The Lost

I'm lost
so lost

This Darkness overwhelming
a gaping empty void
echos bouncing
the laughter of a hundred empty nights
all resounding in my head
I search
Just for a glimpse
a spark
Something to show me the way
then
in the darkness
his eyes
like silver fire
making me feel secrets I haven't felt in years
A desire
Powerful in its "weakness"
overwhelming in its "simplicity"
Controlling in its "submission"

Yet I am lost
what do i do
my heart screams
"bend to him"
but my fears tell me
"we've been hurt before"
I trust him
but fear holds me back
"we can not be hurt again"

but he fills my mind
and for the first time in years the "ugliness" is silent
no hurtful hateful things creep up from my own twisted demons
for that alone i would bow to him
for this sense of self peace i would follow him into fire
yet fear holds me back
so even as my heart and body yearn for him
for this
my fear whispers things
that this is all a game
that the things i see in his face
that i read in his texts
that i feel under his hands
are all a bad joke

I desire to serve
to have a One
one i can Look to
one i can Serve
but i am lost...

The Lost Blogs

So hi every one, Sorry for the long non post. but here are some of the blogs I did after I first moved in, before the internet got turned on. I had just saved them to my computer and never posted them. I'm Calling them "The Lost Blogs"

(1-3-13)
Sorry for the long delay in posts guys, moving has been hell
So I'm in the new place. I spent my first night here new years eve. I went to the amazing new years party hosted by the local NLA. Did I mention it was amazing?? I woke up the next day texted my super buddy and asked him to come chill. He said he would as soon as I got my stuff in my place. So all that day I kicked ass and moved like a mad person to get all my stuff in. got most of it. on the 2nd I got the last of my stuff
in with the help of a super sweet local Sub boy. I got my "husband" to watch the baby while i moved, so I got to be the good guy. and the best part was the look on his face when my super buddy came over, I've
Never seen him move so fast, as if we were going to fuck right before his eyes lol. Oh and trust me we did fuck. on a sweet note he was my first kiss of the new year and it was oh so worth it. on a raunchy
note he was the first fuck of the year and hot dam my pussy still hurts. that boy is long, he about as wide as a 50cent pice and at least 9 in long if not 10. He pounded me in every way we would fit on my poor
little twin bed (insert plee for more new bed stuff here). I worked today, and on that note I have picked the coworker I've decided to fuck and its not the 2 I've already posted about, its a difrent one.
He's closer to my age and not married so ya I'm all about it. oh and guess who took me home tonight. same said coworker. so its only day 3 of this year and I got mine again... And tell you what I plan to keep getting mine

xoxo and happy newyears


(1-13-13)
My Shining one
Your eyes flash, Cat like, as the light from the tv bounces off them.
I can only blink as your shirt comes off breaking your gaze, powerless to look away.
Golden and tawny, your easy smile turned into a feral grin as you look at me cowering on the bed, all my power as a Domme gone before the force that is you, bending me to your will.
You pounce pinning me under you, your naked between gasps of air. skin so hot it almost burns. my poor purple panties are no match for this fire. you rip them aside and now i'm burning too.
you lap at me like a lion with its prey, all teeth and claws and snarls, until my panting matches my heart beat.
a lion, yes, my king of the jungle. am I your lioness or only prey.
your teeth snap me back to the here and now digging into my neck, as you glid in, deep so deep, pain and more all mixed into one.
your hands on my hips, fingers digging in, and words are gone, lost in the tide of moans and snarls, your name dancing over my lips again and again like a mantra, offered to the goddess. you growl at me, teeth sinking in around my nipple, eyes never leaving mine. flashing in the light. I see stars, I see you.
My Lion, My King, My beast

(1-29-13)
My Party, my amazing kinky party. My "happy birthday" "housewarming" "Happy Divorce" Party went amazing. I Have also decided to start "sub" retraining with a local Dom man here in town. I've been told that I'm not the best domme and the only way i can think of to fix that is to start all over, be a sub again, a switch again, and then a dom again. lets see how that works out. 
Party, oh yes, great friends, great times, oh and naked girl wrestling. I won lol.