The Lost

I'm lost
so lost

This Darkness overwhelming
a gaping empty void
echos bouncing
the laughter of a hundred empty nights
all resounding in my head
I search
Just for a glimpse
a spark
Something to show me the way
then
in the darkness
his eyes
like silver fire
making me feel secrets I haven't felt in years
A desire
Powerful in its "weakness"
overwhelming in its "simplicity"
Controlling in its "submission"

Yet I am lost
what do i do
my heart screams
"bend to him"
but my fears tell me
"we've been hurt before"
I trust him
but fear holds me back
"we can not be hurt again"

but he fills my mind
and for the first time in years the "ugliness" is silent
no hurtful hateful things creep up from my own twisted demons
for that alone i would bow to him
for this sense of self peace i would follow him into fire
yet fear holds me back
so even as my heart and body yearn for him
for this
my fear whispers things
that this is all a game
that the things i see in his face
that i read in his texts
that i feel under his hands
are all a bad joke

I desire to serve
to have a One
one i can Look to
one i can Serve
but i am lost...