I have been called cold and unloving by more than one ex, and it was starting to bother me.
I am not cold, and I am not unloving. I love deeply and with all of my heart. I also love quick, and without holding back. I am so starved for affection that i start to fall in love with the first person who shows a true desire to know me and care for me.
but I have been told so often that I am cold that I have started to believe it, So i have asked friends, and ex lovers, and sometimes lovers, and everything in between if they think I am cold.
this was the first answer I got
His_Pagan_Angel:
"You are not a cold person. You are not a heartless man eater devoid of all emotion. You burn when you feel upset or wronged by someone it just burns like dry ice. You are openly affectionate with those that you love. When you cook for someone, let them drink your pepsi, hug someone or sit close to them you are showing your affection. Your affection shows itself so slightly that if you don't know you that well you'll miss it and if someone doesn't care enough to really see that when you do these things you do it out of care and affection then they don't deserve you or really know how to love you. You are one of the most affectionate people I know, it's just not the norm of affection. Too long have you gone without physical affection that you no longer know how to give it really, that you feel more comfortable showing it in more domestic subtle ways. Which is why I love you. Which I why I will always love you. Which is why I know that you will find the person who sees what a beautiful, warm, caring person you truly are."
I'll tell you I hate to cuddle.I dont hate to cuddle, I just know how to do it. I've honest to Goddess never cuddled if it wasn't leading to sex or sleep.
I will tell you I HATE valentines day, that it is stupid, but the truth is i have never had a valentine, no one who wasn't not family has ever gotten me flowers or other valentines treats. my husband would take me to dinner but only because he felt like he had to.
now please if you think i'm cold please tell me, and tell me why
if you think i'm not tell me that too
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Friday, April 25, 2014
Random 2
I saw this a few months ago and i really liked it, thought i should share it here for anyone who missed it
http://nessbow.com/2009/10/13/the-addams-family-the…
The Addams Family: The most well-adjusted family on television?
addams family, family, inspiration, romance
I was watching an interview today with the four remaining members of the original Addams Family. It was very entertaining, and I especially liked the comment made by John Astin (who played the original Gomez Addams) that at the time, the Addams Family were probably the best role models on television. When I thought about it, I realised that he was right. In the age of the Brady Bunch, the Beverly Hilbillies and Lost in Space, the Addams’ clan provided more positive family messages than most programs at the time. Don’t believe me? Read on…
Gomez and Morticia
Gomez and Morticia Addams have always been portrayed as a loving, romantic couple. They spend a great deal of time alone with one another, and aren’t afraid to show their affection in front of others. John Astin passed comment that Gomez and Morticia were the only couple on TV at the time who actually touched one another, and contrasts them with the tepid, polite partnership seen between Mike and Carol Brady. He remarks that “You can see how it would come to be that Gomez and Morticia would actually have children”, and that every other couple on TV at the time seemed to have found their children in the cabbage patch. Another positive thing about Gomez and Morticia’s relationship is that, while they often compete against one another, in fencing, chess and other persuits, they rarely keep score and never seem to argue with one another. Also, despite spending plenty of time together, Gomez and Morticia also have their own interests and hobbies that they indulge separately. Morticia loves gardening, music and the dark arts, whereas Gomez prefers reading, cigars and model trains. They respect one another’s space and show interest in eachother’s pursuits. Overall, the two senior Addams’ complement one another perfectly, and have a well-rounded, affectionate relationship that is neither tepid nor co-dependent.
Sibling rivalry?
While Wednesday and Pugsly do like to play pranks on one another, they generally get along quite well. They often help one another with projects and work well together. Although Wednesday is often seen to commit acts that could be dangerous to her brother’s life (such as strapping him into an electric chair or shooting an apple off his head with a bow and arrow), it would appear that she does these things out of curiosity, rather than a desire to harm Pugsly. The Addams siblings seem to view one another as accomplices, rather than rivals. This can be contrasted with the sharp rivalries and bitterness exhibited by the Brady siblings, particularly Jan and Marcia.
Extended family.
The Addams clan had two members of their extended family who shared their home: Uncle Fester and Grandmama. Each of these older relatives were usually treated with respect and kindness. The Addams’ children often go to Uncle Fester for advice and generally look up to him as a source of important information (such as knowledge about various explosives). Grandmama is the unofficial matriarch of the family, and is treated kindly and respectfully by all. This is quite different to the treatment of extended family members in other programs, who tend to be portrayed as doddering or irritating.
Treatment of house staff
The Addam’s had a butler, Lurch, who was always treated as though he was one of the family. He was often seen to participate in family activities, and appears to be a close friend and confidante of Gomez and Fester especially. The children were always kind to Lurch, and never forgot their manners when speaking to him. Lurch was always treated as a human being and friend rather than as hired help (although whether or not Lurch is human is debatable).
Pets
The family had a wide range of pets, all of whom were well cared for and greatly loved by all members of the family. Morticia took great pains to prepare meals for her carnivorous plant, Cleopatra, and Wednesday rarely let her spider, Homer, out of her sight. Pugsly also had an octopus named Aristotle and the family had a lion named Kitty Cat. Thing is a pet of Gomez’s from his childhood. This empathy for all creatures great and small (and slimy, and hairy) sends out a very positive message.
Just be yourself.
The overarching message that I draw from the Addams Family is that you should always be happy with who you are, and you should never tone down your own personality to please anybody else. The Addam’s were as weird and strange as they come, and yet, they were totally oblivious to this fact. They didn’t seem to care that none of their neighbours enjoyed playing with instruments of torture or traipsing through a swamp. Furthermore, they never persecuted any of their ‘normal’ guests for being different, but rather accepted them for who they were.
There are an awful lot of positive messages embedded within this classic program. Rather than sitting kids down in front of Dora the Explorer (who is always wandering around unsupervised) and In The Night Garden (who frankly act like they are all on crack), buy them a copy of the Addams family DVDs and sit down and enjoy them together without a speck of guilt.
http://nessbow.com/2009/10/13/the-addams-family-the…
The Addams Family: The most well-adjusted family on television?
addams family, family, inspiration, romance
I was watching an interview today with the four remaining members of the original Addams Family. It was very entertaining, and I especially liked the comment made by John Astin (who played the original Gomez Addams) that at the time, the Addams Family were probably the best role models on television. When I thought about it, I realised that he was right. In the age of the Brady Bunch, the Beverly Hilbillies and Lost in Space, the Addams’ clan provided more positive family messages than most programs at the time. Don’t believe me? Read on…
Gomez and Morticia
Gomez and Morticia Addams have always been portrayed as a loving, romantic couple. They spend a great deal of time alone with one another, and aren’t afraid to show their affection in front of others. John Astin passed comment that Gomez and Morticia were the only couple on TV at the time who actually touched one another, and contrasts them with the tepid, polite partnership seen between Mike and Carol Brady. He remarks that “You can see how it would come to be that Gomez and Morticia would actually have children”, and that every other couple on TV at the time seemed to have found their children in the cabbage patch. Another positive thing about Gomez and Morticia’s relationship is that, while they often compete against one another, in fencing, chess and other persuits, they rarely keep score and never seem to argue with one another. Also, despite spending plenty of time together, Gomez and Morticia also have their own interests and hobbies that they indulge separately. Morticia loves gardening, music and the dark arts, whereas Gomez prefers reading, cigars and model trains. They respect one another’s space and show interest in eachother’s pursuits. Overall, the two senior Addams’ complement one another perfectly, and have a well-rounded, affectionate relationship that is neither tepid nor co-dependent.
Sibling rivalry?
While Wednesday and Pugsly do like to play pranks on one another, they generally get along quite well. They often help one another with projects and work well together. Although Wednesday is often seen to commit acts that could be dangerous to her brother’s life (such as strapping him into an electric chair or shooting an apple off his head with a bow and arrow), it would appear that she does these things out of curiosity, rather than a desire to harm Pugsly. The Addams siblings seem to view one another as accomplices, rather than rivals. This can be contrasted with the sharp rivalries and bitterness exhibited by the Brady siblings, particularly Jan and Marcia.
Extended family.
The Addams clan had two members of their extended family who shared their home: Uncle Fester and Grandmama. Each of these older relatives were usually treated with respect and kindness. The Addams’ children often go to Uncle Fester for advice and generally look up to him as a source of important information (such as knowledge about various explosives). Grandmama is the unofficial matriarch of the family, and is treated kindly and respectfully by all. This is quite different to the treatment of extended family members in other programs, who tend to be portrayed as doddering or irritating.
Treatment of house staff
The Addam’s had a butler, Lurch, who was always treated as though he was one of the family. He was often seen to participate in family activities, and appears to be a close friend and confidante of Gomez and Fester especially. The children were always kind to Lurch, and never forgot their manners when speaking to him. Lurch was always treated as a human being and friend rather than as hired help (although whether or not Lurch is human is debatable).
Pets
The family had a wide range of pets, all of whom were well cared for and greatly loved by all members of the family. Morticia took great pains to prepare meals for her carnivorous plant, Cleopatra, and Wednesday rarely let her spider, Homer, out of her sight. Pugsly also had an octopus named Aristotle and the family had a lion named Kitty Cat. Thing is a pet of Gomez’s from his childhood. This empathy for all creatures great and small (and slimy, and hairy) sends out a very positive message.
Just be yourself.
The overarching message that I draw from the Addams Family is that you should always be happy with who you are, and you should never tone down your own personality to please anybody else. The Addam’s were as weird and strange as they come, and yet, they were totally oblivious to this fact. They didn’t seem to care that none of their neighbours enjoyed playing with instruments of torture or traipsing through a swamp. Furthermore, they never persecuted any of their ‘normal’ guests for being different, but rather accepted them for who they were.
There are an awful lot of positive messages embedded within this classic program. Rather than sitting kids down in front of Dora the Explorer (who is always wandering around unsupervised) and In The Night Garden (who frankly act like they are all on crack), buy them a copy of the Addams family DVDs and sit down and enjoy them together without a speck of guilt.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Dance
my heart dancing fast, a throb of drums, a clash of cymbals. the beat something foreign, fast paced and intoxicating. bringing to mind the heat of a desert sun and the smell of spices.
My heart dances a fast spinning dance, moving faster an faster. A whirling fire dance of exotic dreams and fired love. a dance that burns the ground below it.
Exotic
Fire
my poor mind races, stumbling, unable to keep up. tripping over the beat, burning in the desert sun and choking on the spices. it can not join the dance.
slower still my mouth, unable to find the words that sing to the song that lends itself to the dance. my mouth and my mind can not hold the beat, can not join the dance.
but still my hands clap to the beat, my feet move to a song the world cannot even hear.
and the beat that moves me, that makes my body sing, that beat is you.
My heart dances a fast spinning dance, moving faster an faster. A whirling fire dance of exotic dreams and fired love. a dance that burns the ground below it.
Exotic
Fire
my poor mind races, stumbling, unable to keep up. tripping over the beat, burning in the desert sun and choking on the spices. it can not join the dance.
slower still my mouth, unable to find the words that sing to the song that lends itself to the dance. my mouth and my mind can not hold the beat, can not join the dance.
but still my hands clap to the beat, my feet move to a song the world cannot even hear.
and the beat that moves me, that makes my body sing, that beat is you.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
a glimpse into my day
I wake up to my roommate slipping into my room with "our" (really her, but you'll see) new baby. I nod and say ya I'm awake and she lays Ria in my arms and leaves, on her way to work. I hear the other kids get ready for school and out the door they go. only then do I get up. I take my phone, my pillow, some days I take my fuzzy, the baby, and anything else that sounds good and go into my roommates room (her TV has cable) I pick a show and settle in for the morning.
this is all by 9am
I make a bottle, and if Ria is sleeping well, do some cleaning or cooking, if she is sleeping like the dead and I'm not broke we walk to the store and get some exercise.
I feed me, feed her, feed the animals (of which we have LOTS) and get a lunch ready for her mom
I watch some TV, I cuddle with the newborn/one month old baby
and I text, or at least I return texts (there will be more about that in a later post)
Fridays are my favorite, I get paid, and for the last few weeks its been a supernatural marathon day.
1pm
then J comes home for her lunch and feeds the baby, I get her lunch and a drink, we talk and laugh and she goes back to work
2pm ish
as the baby sleeps I plan dinner, watch TV, and by now I have gone and gotten my laptop so that I can look something up
4pm ish
the kids come home, we talk (in a whisper) about homework, how was school, and what I need them to do in the house before they can get on the ps3
530pm ish
J comes home, I make dinner, and we laugh and talk like a family. we watch TV together and make fun of it, or we put on odd songs and dance in the kitchen
in fact we did the dancing bit tonight :D
Its a good life
I work weekends, but my weekdays are spent loving on and being loved by a family
this is all by 9am
I make a bottle, and if Ria is sleeping well, do some cleaning or cooking, if she is sleeping like the dead and I'm not broke we walk to the store and get some exercise.
I feed me, feed her, feed the animals (of which we have LOTS) and get a lunch ready for her mom
I watch some TV, I cuddle with the newborn/one month old baby
and I text, or at least I return texts (there will be more about that in a later post)
Fridays are my favorite, I get paid, and for the last few weeks its been a supernatural marathon day.
1pm
then J comes home for her lunch and feeds the baby, I get her lunch and a drink, we talk and laugh and she goes back to work
2pm ish
as the baby sleeps I plan dinner, watch TV, and by now I have gone and gotten my laptop so that I can look something up
4pm ish
the kids come home, we talk (in a whisper) about homework, how was school, and what I need them to do in the house before they can get on the ps3
530pm ish
J comes home, I make dinner, and we laugh and talk like a family. we watch TV together and make fun of it, or we put on odd songs and dance in the kitchen
in fact we did the dancing bit tonight :D
Its a good life
I work weekends, but my weekdays are spent loving on and being loved by a family
Poem 4
I want to fall in love,
I dont want to learn to love you,
I want love like fire burning me up
I want to fall in love,
I dont want to teach myself to you love you,
I want a love like poison eating me alive
I want to fall in love,
I dont want to sit and talk myself in to loving you,
I want a love that overwhelms me
I want to fall in love,
I dont want to love you because I think I should,
I want to love even though I know I should not.
I want to fall in love
I dont want to love because you are good for me,
I want a love like an addiction
I want to fall
I want to fall
I want to fall in love
Love like fire
Love like poison
Love like lightning
Love like a drug
I want to fall in love like Cleopatra and Mark Antony
I want to fall in love like Lancelot and Guinevere
I want to fall in love like Tristan and Isolde
I want to fall in love like Paris and Helena
I want to fall in love like Napoleon and Josephine
A love that burns the world
I dont want to learn to love you,
I want love like fire burning me up
I want to fall in love,
I dont want to teach myself to you love you,
I want a love like poison eating me alive
I want to fall in love,
I dont want to sit and talk myself in to loving you,
I want a love that overwhelms me
I want to fall in love,
I dont want to love you because I think I should,
I want to love even though I know I should not.
I want to fall in love
I dont want to love because you are good for me,
I want a love like an addiction
I want to fall
I want to fall
I want to fall in love
Love like fire
Love like poison
Love like lightning
Love like a drug
I want to fall in love like Cleopatra and Mark Antony
I want to fall in love like Lancelot and Guinevere
I want to fall in love like Tristan and Isolde
I want to fall in love like Paris and Helena
I want to fall in love like Napoleon and Josephine
A love that burns the world
Monday, April 21, 2014
COOKIES
I want these.... I really really do. I want someone to make these for me lol
Gooey S’mores Cookies
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/3 cups flour
3/4 cup graham cracker crumbs (7 full graham cracker sheets)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup Mini Hershey’s Kisses (or chocolate chips/chunks)
1 cup Jet Puffed Mallow Bits
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and spray with cooking spray. Using a mixer, cream the butter and sugars until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the egg and vanilla and beat for an additional 2 minutes.
Meanwhile, use a food processor or blender to crush 7 graham cracker sheets into 3/4 cup fine crumbs. In a separate bowl, whisk together the graham cracker crumbs, flour, baking powder, and salt. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, and mix on low speed until the dough just comes together. Add the chocolate and marshmallows and stir to combine.
Place 1.5 tablespoon sized scoops of dough onto the prepared cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes.
Makes 2 dozen cookies.
Read more at http://www.kevinandamanda.com/recipes/dessert/gooey…
Gooey S’mores Cookies
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/3 cups flour
3/4 cup graham cracker crumbs (7 full graham cracker sheets)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup Mini Hershey’s Kisses (or chocolate chips/chunks)
1 cup Jet Puffed Mallow Bits
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and spray with cooking spray. Using a mixer, cream the butter and sugars until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the egg and vanilla and beat for an additional 2 minutes.
Meanwhile, use a food processor or blender to crush 7 graham cracker sheets into 3/4 cup fine crumbs. In a separate bowl, whisk together the graham cracker crumbs, flour, baking powder, and salt. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, and mix on low speed until the dough just comes together. Add the chocolate and marshmallows and stir to combine.
Place 1.5 tablespoon sized scoops of dough onto the prepared cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes.
Makes 2 dozen cookies.
Read more at http://www.kevinandamanda.com/recipes/dessert/gooey…
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Not Mine, but meaningful
I was in the winter of my life- and the men I met along the road were my
only summer. At night I fell sleep with visions of myself dancing and
laughing and crying with them. Three years down the line of being on an
endless world tour and my memories of them were the only things that
sustained me, and my only real happy times. I was a singer, not very
popular one, I once has dreams of becoming a beautiful poet- but upon an
unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a
million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again-
sparkling and broken. But I didn't really mind it because I knew that it
takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what
true freedom is.
When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I had
been living- they asked me why. But there’s no use in talking to people who
have a home, they have no idea what its like to seek safety in other
people, for home to be wherever you lie your head.
I was always an unusual girl, my mother told me that I had a chameleon
soul. No moral compass pointing me due north, no fixed personality. Just an
inner indecisiveness that was as wide and unwavering as the ocean. And if I
said that I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying- because I
was born to be the other woman. I belonged to no one- who belonged to
everyone, who had nothing- who wanted everything with a fire for every
experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that
I couldn't even talk about- and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness
that both dazzled and dizzied me.
Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people- and finally I did- on
the open road. We have nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired
anymore- except to make our lives into a work of art.
Live fast. Die young. Be wild. Have fun.
I believe in the country America used to be. I believe in the person I want
to become, I believe in the freedom of the open road. And my motto is the
same as ever:
“I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself, I
Ride. I Just Ride.”
Who are you? Are you in touch with all your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you’re free to experience them?
I Have.
I Am Fucking Crazy. But I Am Free.
"Lana Del Rey--Ride"
only summer. At night I fell sleep with visions of myself dancing and
laughing and crying with them. Three years down the line of being on an
endless world tour and my memories of them were the only things that
sustained me, and my only real happy times. I was a singer, not very
popular one, I once has dreams of becoming a beautiful poet- but upon an
unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a
million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again-
sparkling and broken. But I didn't really mind it because I knew that it
takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what
true freedom is.
When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I had
been living- they asked me why. But there’s no use in talking to people who
have a home, they have no idea what its like to seek safety in other
people, for home to be wherever you lie your head.
I was always an unusual girl, my mother told me that I had a chameleon
soul. No moral compass pointing me due north, no fixed personality. Just an
inner indecisiveness that was as wide and unwavering as the ocean. And if I
said that I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying- because I
was born to be the other woman. I belonged to no one- who belonged to
everyone, who had nothing- who wanted everything with a fire for every
experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that
I couldn't even talk about- and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness
that both dazzled and dizzied me.
Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people- and finally I did- on
the open road. We have nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired
anymore- except to make our lives into a work of art.
Live fast. Die young. Be wild. Have fun.
I believe in the country America used to be. I believe in the person I want
to become, I believe in the freedom of the open road. And my motto is the
same as ever:
“I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself, I
Ride. I Just Ride.”
Who are you? Are you in touch with all your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you’re free to experience them?
I Have.
I Am Fucking Crazy. But I Am Free.
"Lana Del Rey--Ride"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)