Looking

I am looking for love, I've realized that. and in the last year I have been blessed with some really cool, very nice, very loving guys.
Today i am filled with doubts, in the last few years I have lost a few good men
*My husband, who put up with my crap, and loved me in his own way for 4 years
*Kev, who was willing to drop everything to be with me and help me
*BF, who stepped up to help me re explore my submissive and brat sides all the time giving me everything he had to give
*H, who started to show me that I can be wanted for whats in my head, not whats in my pants
*Bosten, who reminded me who and what I was in High School, and what that was like.
*And others, :(

intentionally or unintentionally I pushed all of these men away. now I cant say that it might not have been a good thing, as I have to believe that things happen for a reason. I have to believe that the goddess moves one person out of my life with the intent to helping me find something better.

Still that knowledge doesn't really keep the bed warm or help pet away the nightmares when they come.
I'm looking for love, real makes your heart flutter and your toes curl love.
I want something like my grandparents have, something deep.
a little selfishly I want to be the center of someones world. I want to be the reason they wake up with a smile.
I want a family, and a home, I dont think thats to much to ask