Malevolence

I should be in bed right now, I really should. I can feel my sleeping pills dragging at my brain. but am I getting ready for sleep.... nooo... not me, not sleep. Yes Yes I know I have work tomorrow, and I know that it will be a long painful day ( I have torn something in my right knee so it hurts to stand, walk, sit, anything right now and I need to be sleeping before I go do another 7 hour shift standing on my feet...) at work tomorrow. But I wouldn't dream of going to bed right now, because you see a very dear friend (that I don't talk to anywhere near often enough) is online. An if not for him, I would not be on this blog. If it were not for him I would not be on Fetlife. I would not have met all the amazing people I call family and friends right now.

I guess you could say he is the godfather of my happy place. all I know is that he is an amazing guy who even though he has never met me in person cares about me. He has never held my hand but he is still one of my closest friends. He is one of the few men I could see myself really submitting to.

It is one of the cruel twists of the Internet, it can show you so much more about the world, but it can also show you your hearts desire in an unobtainable location. I fell in love with a picture, and a "flavor" of writing, I fell in love with a grainy video chat image and a chat room just for us. He is a good man, and a very good Dom. He is not my Dom but that is only a matter of location.

so this friend is online, and he is telling me about the new rope he got (its pink) and about his girl ( she is sweet, and good to him), and it takes most of my self control not to call him sir in message.

he might read this, and I'm sure when/if he reads this I'm going to get a cyber smack on my ass... not sure I care. its worth it to talk to him :)

~small sleepy smile~
 and if this reads like a bunch of fragmented thoughts go back to the part about sleeping pills and reread that...